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#FitGirlConfession: My past fear of carbs

You know that moment you finally stay true to your training and diet and you’re really strict? You get a sense of accomplishment when you start seeing results and feeling better.  I had that for more than a half year. The problem was, I was too strict that it became a lifestyle. I was stuck….

My past fear of carbs

The first of January 2012 I started living a carb-free diet and didn’t drink alcohol for 50 days. At the same time I had a training schedule of 3 visits to the gym every week. To control what I was eating, I had an application that counted my carbs. I was not allowed to have more than 20 grams a day, so I even had to count my carbs with vegetables. I started my day with a breakfast of eggs or vegetable soup, prepped my lunch, and had chicken/fish/meat with salad or veggies for dinner.

If the body doesn’t get carbs it will use the extra fat your body has stored, as energy. This state is called ketose.

This diet is not recommended to be followed for more than two weeks, and after this point you can start incorporating carbs into your diet again. I continued this for half a year. I felt so good losing weight and feeling that I was in contol, that I kept this diet up and aimed to make it a lifestyle. The problem is, one day your body fat percentage will get as low as an athlete’s, and then what do you do? I started eating more and more cheese and fatty meats to stop the fat loss. I had to eat at least two whole chicken breasts and big chunks of cheese (which I both love) to get my calories in combination with my sport schedule. But this could not last.

To follow the diet, I was not allowed to eat any kinds of fruit, yogurts, bread, pasta, rice and other sugars. I became sort of afraid of them! My mind began to see  them as instant fat makers. I also couldn’t buy anything from the grocery stores anymore because everything contained added sugars or other ingredients that could not be included in my diet. Can you imagine? All these basic foods that everyone ate — as supposed to — and I couldn’t. I couldn’t go anywhere. I couldn’t eat out anywhere. I even became afraid of going outside at a certain point.

Then came the moment when my family and friends started to notice I was getting really thin. There came a time when the scale pointed at 46KG and I looked like a 12 year-old boy with abs. This also made me a social outcast; I was afraid to go to my friends’ place, parties, dinners or even just to visit someone because of the social pressure to eat or drink. It was a scary, dark and lonely period in my life.

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  1. Laura

    Bedankt voor je eerlijke verhaal. Nope, je bent inderdaad niet de enige. Heb geprobeerd om in het Engels te reageren maar het gaat hem niet worden. Wil alleen maar zeggen dat ik je verhaal heel erg herken. Ik weet welk gevoel het me opleverde om precies te weten wat ik wanneer heb gegeten, aan het eten ben en wat ik later die dag zou gaan eten. En ik weet ook dat het een risico is om daar weer in terug te vallen als ik me klote voel. Dus ik doe heel hard m’n best om dat niet te laten gebeuren. Ik zit nu beter in m’n vel dan ooit en dat wil ik graag zo houden :-)! En nee, je ontploft niet opeens als je een cheesecake neemt als toetje ;-). Ook een geruststellende gedachte.
    Geniet van het herontdekken van lekker, ongecompliceerd kunnen eten!

    • Tiziana

      Hi Laura,
      Jij ook bedankt voor je reactie. Je hebt helemaal gelijk! Het is niet zo dat als je een stukje taart neemt dat je instant boody growth zou krijgen (opzich niet heel verkeerd) Het is inderdaad een gerustellende gedachte om te weten dat het balanceren van je dieet ECHT werkt. Dan weer wel, dan weer niet. Kies je momenten en laat de rest gaan. Geniet, geniet! en dat klote gevoel? Dat zal altijd wel een keer blijven. Ik heb geleerd het te accepteren en dan weer verder te gaan naar de volgende stap. KUS

  2. Marie

    Thank you so much for sharing your story! I am struggling with this kind of ED too so I totally understand these fears.
    but this post motivated me to go on with my recovery and I really think I can handle it!
    “Keep your head up and keep your heart strong!”
    Greetings from Munich!

    • Tiziana

      Hi Marle,
      Thank you for you post. It also makes me feel better that i shared it. I think we should talk more about these kinds of topics so that it becomes less scary 🙂 It’s like training your muscles. Every day, step by step, sometimes it’s hard and sometimes you fly. KISSS from Rotterdam 😀

  3. Abygail

    It’s always relieving to know you’re not going through things alone. No matter where we are in the world, we all have similar experiences. I have been going through this for the last two years, and I’m still working on getting over it completely. I know what you mean by feeling like everything is going to make you gain weight or that it’s bad for you. I wish you strength on your journey. Sending positive vibes from California! 🙂

    • Tiziana

      Hi Abygail,

      Thank you for you vibes from California. I wish i could be there now! hahaha 😀 In my opinion i dont think i’ll get over it. It has become a part of me, something I experienced and cant forget. And i think that can only make you stronger. I think it is a reassuring thought to know that girls like you, Laura and Marle are out there. Were definetly not alone in this 😀 Kisss from Rotterdam 😀

  4. truus

    Je voelt je beter omdat je het hebt gedeeld met het internet???

    • Willemijn

      When you’re sharing your story it can work like a relieve! Therefore she shared this with the fitgirlcommunity. Also she knows there are a lot of girls (and boys) struggling with this kind of issues. Take your negative reactions somewhere else Truus!

      • Tiziana

        Youre sweet Willemijn. It was the scariest thing i did!!And you are so right. These days there are so many people struggling with ED’s. And we want to be supportive 😀 xoxo

    • Tiziana

      Beste Truus,
      Me beter voelen klinkt wat gekkig. Maar ik ben wel blij dat ik mijn verhaal heb gedeeld. In mijn omgeving heb ik mijn verhaal verteld, en daarop vaak de reactie gekregen dat ze zich wel herkenden in mijn verhaal. Ik vond het doodeng om hierover te schrijven op #FITGIRLCODE, want het is best persoonlijk, maar wetende dat het er meer meiden zijn die met zelfde struggles kampen/kampten gaf me de moed om dit bespreekbaar te maken. Zodat het niet meer iets engs, of iets geks is dat je in je eentje aangaat. Het idee dat je alleen ergens in staat vind ik stom 🙂

  5. Ulf Montinell

    Great blogg. I really liked the way you described your realationship to eating and food. You nailed it!