I’ve never have been a tall and slim woman, but a short happy girl with a curvaceous South-American body 😉 What I sometimes struggled to love, because of my insecurities and the outbalanced life I was living. I was a busy cute couch potato, with an all you can eat philosophy, working 24/7 and taking care of everybody but herself. My life took a turn in 2010 when I decided that I needed to take responsibly for the state of my body, mind and health.
During my study career I was involved in anything and everything but never took the time to listen to my body and neglected my health. I wasn’t even noticing I was gaining weight until after my graduation. I decided to finally hit the fitness centre again after sponsoring them for over a year… So like most girls I wanted to know my start point and stood on the scales…wow… I became a curvaceous woman of 198lbs (90 kilograms)….
… so the only wise decision I could think of back then, was to start a diet… if I had the knowledge I have now about a fit and healthy lifestyle, I would have never let myself starve, but kicked my butt into the gym and would have changed my food schedule. I guess it was al part of my journey I had to walk before I could start to develop my fit and healthy lifestyle. Because we all know that dieting is not good for you and it doesn’t provide you a fit and healthy body. Let alone a balanced mind.
So like most dieting journeys I lost weight but also gained weight and came to the realisation after 5 months that I would not be able to continue this lifestyle for the rest of my life. Also I was having inner fights with myself and became so tired of constantly forbidding myself to eat anything outside this dieting schedule.
There was no room for a treat day because than I would go flamingo crazy and eat everything and anything that crossed my path. The next day or sometimes even 5 minutes after this all-you-can-eat exercise I was feeling guilty and would be impossibly mean and harsh to myself. Putting myself down and pushing myself to do a better job next time… even writing this down makes me tear up again… that hate feeling towards yourself is unhealthy and so not necessary.
Because I was so mean towards myself and hating the process I was in, I started to develop an unhealthy relationship towards food. During this period I was not in a happy place… I became a grumpy girl, who wasn’t fun hanging around with anymore…and because of all the emotions running towards my body, dieting was even harder. Back then I just couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t feeling better… I was losing weight right? That was what I wanted… at least that’s what I thought.
Well this story has a happy ending, I promise 🙂
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